This pregnancy has been hard on me.
It’s so hard for me to admit that. It’s been hard physically, but even more so emotionally. Sometimes I wonder what I got myself into. I definitely wasn’t as prepared for this as I thought I was.
My relationship with The Nerd has not been the best lately. We’ve been really distant from each other; each of us just kind of doing our own thing. He doesn’t understand me; and I just don’t “get” him. It’s definitely been a struggle.
Yesterday, I was lurking on my favorite pregnancy message board when I came across this thread. At first, I felt jealous of these ladies and their stories about their sweet husbands who would do anything for them and their baby. One husband works 60+ hour weeks so his wife can stay home with their children. Another jumps up and cleans the house whenever his wife asks.
I started to go on a pity party and think, “Oh poor me. The Nerd would never work two jobs so I could stay home. I always have to MAKE him clean and pick up around the house.”
It took me a minute to realize that while those things are great, I shouldn’t mourn what I don’t have. I should be grateful for what I do have.
And that’s what this post is about. The little things that make me love The Nerd. He may not be the greatest man on the planet, but he’s the greatest man in my life and I am so thankful for him.
I love, love, love watching The Nerd play with our niece and nephews. When he thinks no one is looking, he turns into this adorable teddy bear who would do anything for those kids. River has him wrapped around her little finger.
Once, when my sister’s family was visiting from New Mexico, he spent HOURS on the stairs playing with Hyrum, making sure he didn’t fall down the stairs.
Up and down and up and down they went. The Nerd never complained, not even once. Hyrum probably won’t remember that night because he was too young. But I always will.
Every time I see him playing with them, I just KNOW he’s going to be the best father.
And that’s all a girl can ask for, right?
I SO feel you – lol – but you got it – we need to re-focus – quit reading others stories or it will drive us nuts and count our blessings. Ours was born 2 1/2 years ago and she is the best thing I ever did – I can promise you it won’t get easier, but when you rethink, when you focus on your angel . . even when you are at your wits end with him – you will realize life is good. Our babies are our futures and we make or break our futures by focusing too much on ourselves and not on our new “goals” – which is making sure that little one has the best memories ever and the best life we can give them. There will be good days and bad days and very good days and very bad days, but if you struggle through – he will appreciate you even more and you him. And the baby you raise to be a shining star – now that is something to focus on and be proud of . . . hang in there kiddo . . . focus on your baby and make a shining star.
Great post! Sometimes it’s so hard to be grateful, especially when we’re not feeling the best or something is happening. I love when I can be grateful, though, especially in those trying times because it helps me through it.
I’m glad your husband plays with your nieces and nephews and that it helps you see his wonderful potential as a father! I’m sure things will be okay. Good luck with the last bit of your pregnancy and I hope you two will be able to become closer again. 🙂
I was tearing up on this post. James is amazing. I remember that night and how much Hyrum LOVED Uncle James! He will be the best dad to baby Andrew.I know pregnancy *SUCKS* and you’ve had it hard but hang in there. You’re so close. When you hold him in your arms, it will be worth it!
Pregnancy is hard on anyone. Don’t feel like a failure because you can’t do everything you did when you weren’t pregnant. You have a right to feel tired now and then. No one is really prepared for pregnancy, or being a new parent for that matter. No matter how many books you read, how many classes you attend, how many of your friends have babies — it will be a unique and utterly foreign experience for you. Just know that you will do your best. You will love your baby and everything will work itself out over time. Go easy on yourself — now and when the baby comes. Because believe me, raising kids is difficult at every stage from baby to teenager. But wonderful and magical too. Best wishes to you.
Pregnancy does suck sometimes…and all those books really do not tell you everything. My hubby and I went through similar “in a different place” times during my pregnancy. Our daughter is now almost 3 and is the best dad, and a pretty darn good husband most days! I do still have to ask him to do stuff, but he does so willingly. And he would do anything for me and our little monkey. In the end, I know that and that makes up for those times when I just wish he could see that laundry that needs to be folded! You just work through each day, keep communicating, and remember the love that brought you together, and this little one into the world. There will be good days and bad days, but in the end, you are in this together. Try to relax, take time for you (especially now before the baby arrives) and enjoy being together, who cares if the dishes need to be done 🙂
I wish I can give you a big ol’ hug right now. Pregnancy really does a lot to the body and you go thru so many emotions. It’s so different for everybody so don’t read into everything on those sites. Baby Andrew will be coming to two fantastic parents! You will have those up and downs so just hang in there. You have such a blessing coming…
Your post made me tear up! I know James isn’t perfect, but I am so happy that he has found someone that loves him for who he is! The tough times make you stronger, and I know this pregnancy has been tough on you both. Just remember all the people that love you and support you, just call and we are there!!
Thanks so much, everyone, for your kind words! I know things will get better and this will all be worth it in the end. I really appreciate the help and support and am so glad to have all of you in my life! 🙂
nobody has a perfect life and i am sure those other women have off days too. Plus we know every marriage has ups and downs thats how marriage is. we just live and learn and even though it is hard right now it will get better, this is a new thing for both of you guys, you both are getting ready for new roles in your life. There will be a light at the end of the tunnel.
Hi Areana-
I came across your blog from a Pintrest link, and decided we would be friends right away! I don’t have any children, and I am ‘way’ older than you, but I did want to share some thoughts in case a long view from the future can be of help. I am sort of the opposite of you – I am SUCH a dork, but I managed to marry a very cool guy.
You might know someone like the kind of girl I was– awkward, and quiet. I love to read and although I am rather bright, I tend to underachieve. When I met my husband I was 23 and he was my boss’ boss. So handsome – a former ski racer, had traveled the world and all his ex girlfriends were top management at Nordstrom’s (read: Smart AND Beautiful). I still don’t have a clue how I ever caught his attention.
So even now, over 25 years later I still wake up every day grateful to have him by my side. I am still a total dork, and he is still super cool (he runs a motorcycle race team, and holds several motorcycle world speed records).
Even now I manage to be on the wrong side of just about everything, and after all these years I still have to force myself to keep silent and listen to him, having learned that regardless of what I think and feel, he is totally right 99.9% of the time. I know that I annoy him some days, and like all marriages there have been times of thick and times of thin. But here is what I want to say to you – your dorky husband is the way he was made – he will never change, and you probably won’t either – the best of times comes from knowing that you love him for who he is – ALL of him, and with that acceptance comes peace. It sounds like you have so much going on in your world right now, and he is having to just watch – it is a hard thing to do, especially when you love so much. I don’t know if my rather unformed thoughts are helping at all, but I just felt like I could chime in from the other side to say the grateful feeling is a gift, it is mutual, and it is the best of life. ~B
You are right–nobody is perfect, neither are we women! You two will be just fine–just remember that when the other does something nice or help out for the other, make sure to thank them. I truly believe making sure my thanks for things that Cliff does–even the little ones, has kept our marriage healthy so far, despite not having kids yet.
I understand being down–just in an opposite way I guess—I’ve found myself being down because it seems like so many other people I know are having children the last two years and I look forward to that journey with Cliff so very much, but I’ve had to remind myself of the wonderful life I do have at the moment and the time I have to spend with Cliff. 🙂 Love you girl–I really do, and I know you two are going to make fantastic parents!!!
Did I tell you I’ve been thinking about writing a book? Someone needs to tell the truth about being a Mom for some of us. Sure some women are naturals bla bla. It’s harder than it looks. Yes, I remember my heart grew 10 times in size when I first met Phil, the 1st son. I try to remember that when I’m climbing a tree.
The Secret- You are not suppose to do it alone. It really does take a village. Take a breath and sit down. In a few months, before you get your sanity back, start that 2nd kido. You have all the stuff. Your already doing a great job!